The Diaries of Arwen
by Morgan Donovan
Summary: And she shall be called Arwen Undomiel, and she shall be the Tormentor of her people. R&R. Slight Aragorn Bashing.
1. IMPORTANT! READ!

Morgan donovan is dead  
  
please contact rikkurosebhed@hotmail.com   
  
for more information. 


	2. Elrond plus Crack equals Happy Arwen

And she shall be named Arwen Undomiel, and she shall be the Tormentor of her people  
  
The diaries of Arwen  
  
September 1, 2951  
  
I am being stalked by a dirty man. He kept following me around screaming "Tuniviel, Tuniviel!" I don't know whether I should take it as a compliment or be afraid. He finally caught up to me, and he is actually probably quite nice looking under all that grime. He said he has dwelt here in Rivendell since childhood. In that amount of time, Daddy has not forced him into to take a bath?! I shall have to speak to him about that.  
  
September 5, 2951  
  
Elladan and Elrohir stole my diary and read it to Aragorn. Must remember to get a lock. He took a bath and I was right! He is hot. Aragorn ignored me most of the time till I spiked his drink with some stuff I found in Elrohir's room and then he wouldn't shut up. Spiked Daddy's drink for the heck of it and found that a drunk Daddy makes a happy Arwen. I get Glorfindel's horse!  
  
September 14, 2951  
  
Glorfindel seems to be mad for some odd reason. Can't figure out why. Pushed me into a fountain for no reason at all. I got Aragorn to beat him up for me. It's the only thing he's really useful for. Daddy is still suffering from a mild headache. I did add a lot of that powder stuff to his drink. I asked Elrohir what is was and he said it was something called crack, whatever that is...  
  
TBC 


	3. A very manly shade of hot pink

Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR. Thank you all for reviewing. I didn't think I'd get any. Flames are welcome as I need something to laugh at. Aragorn and Legolas Bashing  
  
September 16. 2951  
  
Glorfindel is still angry about my getting his horse. Just because it's the prettiest and fastest horse in Rivendell doesn't mean he has to be so uptight. Elrohir says that the Crack makes you happier than a hobbit's pipe weed does. I must spike Glorfindel's drink then.  
  
September 19, 2951  
  
A prince from Mirkwood called Legolas came today. He was prancing about in clothes which he called a "very manly shade of hot pink". Maybe I should make Daddy, Elladan, and Elrohir some tunics of that color.  
  
September 20, 2951  
  
Found Legolas trying on my dresses. He looks very nice in the green one, but I worry about him. Aragorn has gone into the wild. Hope he remembers to take baths. He kissed me before he left. Must remember to tell him to eat a pound of breath mints at least.  
  
September 25, 2951  
  
Have gone to spend some time in Lothlorien. Grandmother is teaching me how to read peoples' minds. I tried to read Haldirs. Must NEVER EVER do that again. I shall be scarred for the rest of my life. I can't look at Celeborn anymore without imagining him in a skirt. Oh the horror.  
  
October 1, 2951  
  
Perfected my imitation of Daddy's death glare. Scared poor, nasty Haldir out of his wits, if he ever had any. For being so manly looking, he sure does scream like a girl. Grandmother has given my own See-Into-The-Future- And-Stuff-Mirror-Basin-Thing. If I tilt it just right, I can get the Disney Channel! So not the drama.  
  
October 3, 2951  
  
Girls keep popping up here with names like Mary Sue Anna Nicole Kidman Brittany Spears Nikki Samantha Victoria Anastasia Fresca or Arwen Undomiel Eowyn Galadriel Greenleaf Evenstar Luthien Tuniviel. They all claim to be from another world and all the male elves fall in love with them. Very disturbing.  
  
October 5, 2951  
  
Got a letter from Aragorn. It was spelled badly and I couldn't read it. It looked like this  
  
Der Arwen,  
  
I mis u. Estel 2 b buck son.  
Luv,  
Aragorn. I got Ryelle to translate it for me. It actually said:  
  
Dear Arwen,  
  
I miss you. Hope to be back soon.  
Love,  
Aragorn List of things to do to Aragorn Make him take more baths Wash his hair Clean his nails Get him new clothes in very manly shade of hot pink Bury his old clothes Teach him to spell Spike his drink and make him tell his innermost secrets  
  
I think that about does it. I also must read his mind and make sure he's not like that nasty old elf Haldir. He keeps have strange thoughts about bathing in Grandmothers mirror. 


	4. Pretty Rings!

Disclaimer: See Second Chapter  
  
Haldir Bashing. Flames are welcome  
  
April 21, 2980  
  
Would have written but lost my diary. I saw Aragorn at Cerin Amroth. He was clean and looked really rugged and manly in forest green. Hot pink must not be popular anymore. What a shame.Anyways, Aragorn and I had a picnic and brought some Elvish wine. Later, half drunk, I gave my immortality to him. Hope daddy and everyone doesn't get mad at him and give him long speeches in movies about letting me go to Valinor. Grandmother keeps yelling bad words in my head and turning green.  
  
April 30, 2980  
  
Grandmother gave me a pretty ring that lets me talk to people in their head. Haldir now thinks he's hearing voices in his head. Stupid Elf.  
  
May 3, 2980  
  
Haldir found out it was me and yelled at me. I ignored him. He is not worth an Elven Princess's ethereal wrath. He stepped on my foot so I stepped on his foot with the dominatrix inspired stiletto heel of my shoe. I think it went through his foot.  
  
May 4, 2980  
  
Went back to Rivendell. I have just now noticed Daddy's eyebrows are very intimidating, especially when he's angry. Elladan spilled red wine all over the King from Rohan's white suit. I think his name was Theoden.Daddy looked like he wanted to murder my poor brother right then but he just gave him his "my-eyebrows-are-coming-together-which-makes-my-forehead-look-big-when- it-already-is-and-I'm-going-to-look-evil-for-a-few-sconds-and-then-after- they-leave-I'll-have-a-talk-to-you-in-my-study-where-I'll-kill-you-but-let- you-have-a-5-second-headstart-but-it-won't-matter-anyway-because-all-the- doors-will-be-locked-and-you'll-die-a-slow-painful-death" look. I must remember to shorten that title.  
  
May 5, 2980  
  
Spiked Daddy's drink again and got him to let me have a party with male "entertainers". I must send out invitations. I think the "entertainers" should be Aragorn, Elladan, Elrohir, (Ryelle and Elliana have crushes on them) Legolas, Erestor, Glorfindel, and Haldir. This is going to be interesting, but how to get them to agree? Hehe..The wheels in my head are already turning. A strange old man has ridden up. I wonder who it is.  
  
A/N: She is truly evil, ne? What shall dear Arwen do to our favorite guys? I was thinking about writing Elrond's Journal or A story about Arwen kinda covering the events in the diary better. What do you think?  
  
TBC 


	5. Asfaloth: The horse from hades

Disclaimer: See second chapter.  
  
Flames are welcome. Thanks for reviewing.  
  
May 6, 2980  
  
Turned out to be an Istari called Gandalf. He's ok, but he wears a smelly, old, gray cloak. Gray is soo Second Age! He says he got ambushed in the wild. I'm not surprised. They probably tracked him by his smell. Still haven't figured out how to get the guys to participate.  
  
May 8, 2980  
  
Went for a ride on Asfaloth. The stupid horse threw me into some poison ivy. Saw Glorfindel in a tree laughing. I hit him with a rock. Boo yah!  
  
May 11, 2980  
  
The horse almost kicked me and thought bad things about me. I threatened to send him to Mordor and let the Orcs eat him for breakfast. He seemed quite happy at the prospect of leaving me. Sent him to Lothlorien instead. He'll be begging to come back.  
  
May 13, 2980  
  
Today is Friday the 13th and it has been a very unlucky day for me. Elladan accidentally (yeah right) spilled porridge on me, Elrohir hung me by my ankles from a balcony for all of Rivendell to see when I was wearing a dress, and Daddy has found out about my spiking his drink. I'll probably be stuck in my room for the next 500 years. Still am able to get male entertainers for our girls party.  
  
May 15, 2980  
  
Decided to tell the guys it's a talent show. I'll have to spike the punch to get everyone to loosen up. I'll have to be careful though. Daddy will be watching everything like a hawk.  
  
May 16, 2980  
  
All the guys said they'd come. I convinced them to come without shirts because it'd be hot. They actually believed me! Idiots. Legolas has come for a visit again, now wearing a very macho shade of purple. A girl named Mary Sue fell through the Hall of Fire's ceiling right into Legolas's lap. She began strangling him in a hug, and introducing herself, and talking gibberish about a quest and a ring. She finally let him breath (he was turning blue), realized he was wearing purple, and started screaming. I threw a bucket of water on her and Legolas and she melted. Made a horrible fuss about his clothes, Legolas did. They were horrendous anyway. Purple? Ugh! Blue is a much better color. Male elves.no fashion sense whatsoever.  
  
June 5, 2980  
  
Asfaloth has come back to Rivendell. He'll completely obey me now. Tee hee! Grandmother must have tortured him with being nice. She probably crammed sugar and apples down his throat. I feel slightly sorry for him. Slightly. I learned to position my mirror so that I can Middle Earth Access. A wonderful Internet service.  
  
June 6, 2980  
  
Gandalf came today and heard me talking about the "talent show". He was about to ask to join but I gave him my special "ask-me-and-I-shall-stomp- you-with-the-dominatrix-inspired-stiletto-heel-of-my-shoe-and-then-tie-you- up-behind-Asfaloth-and-drag-you-around-Rivendell-and-make-sure-you-can- never-have-children-again." look. He looked like he would cry so I said he could do a firework display. He was so happy that the stupid bugger almost hugged me. Eww!  
  
TBC 


	6. Don't drop mice into the butter!

The Diaries of Arwen  
  
June 7, 2980  
  
2 days until the party. I made Lindl rig the stage so that when the guys are performing, a huge cage will drop down on them. Hee hee! I think I'll auction them off on e-bay. All except Aragorn of course. I'll make him my slave and use him to beat up Elladan and Elrohir. They dumped me in a pond yesterday.  
  
June 8, 2980  
  
Everyone has begun to arrive. Grandmother and grandfather came, looking solemn as usual. I spiked their drinks and they became as happy as larks. Grandmother was entertaining people in the banquet hall by dancing on the tables and singing show tunes, while grandfather was performing the can-can in front of a terrified audience. I think Daddy suspects me. I would never do anything, like spike peoples drinks, or put scorpions in their shoes, or dropping mice into the butter.  
  
June 9, 2980  
  
Legolas still has not arrived. I suppose he wants to be fashionably late. He shall be fashionably maimed, if he doesn't come soon. Daddy's coffee supply is running low and elves everywhere are having withdrawals and dropping asleep at the most inconvenient times. Everyone seems to have forgotten that little café down the road, owned by Saruman, where they read the most interesting poems and serve cappuccino.(sp?) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------ A/N: Contrary to some people's beliefs, I do love Aragorn. I think he's hot, but not as hot as Legolas and Haldir, of course. Elves rule! I can't wait to see the movie Hildago which the dude who plays Aragorn, Viggo Mortensen, is staring in. Go see it peoples!  
  
As for the mouse dropping into the butter, my friend told me this story:  
  
This lady went into a store to sell and buy butter. The guy asked why and she said, "Well, a little mouse dropped into it, but I got it right out, and I know it doesn't hurt anything but I still can't eat it." They guy nodded and went back into the storage, but her butter in a bowl and sold it back to her.  
  
And the coffee thing. Our history teacher lets us have coffee in her class and the coffee ran out before one guy got some. In the next class, he fell asleep and even with the English teacher yelling he still wouldn't wake up. The loser. 


End file.
